HEEELP! The devil is in my head.

In my quest to find a better me, last Sunday, I shouldered the jacket of my 3 piece and went to church.

Upon entering the building I noticed the many fans and the devil immediately entered my head.

“If yuh whaa wear 3 piece... you need a church with central air… I don't know who look foola, di one wearing a jacket without A/C or di one carrying it”

I decided not to pay him any mind because I was hoping to be heated up by God and not to be cooled off by man.

“Al'dho... yuh might as well get used to heat”, whispered Satan

"Get used to heat fi wha?... I will be in heaven with my Lord, you devil", answered I.

 

I would’ve felt more welcomed if they hadn’t made such a big deal welcoming me. They actually made me uncomfortable... especially when Sister Alecia joined the welcoming party. She reminded me of Ayingi, and the devil immediately entered my mind.

To get him out, I smiled, shook her silky outstretched hand, “The Major…yes… nice to meet you too", and immediately turned back to face Sister Ida Hilda, who physically was not at all sinful.

The sermon started well. “Job loved God more than money”

Pastor reminded us that Job wasn’t thinking about money... because he loved God completely. Hallelujah!

“Since we know pastor is thinking ‘bout his collection, it’s safe to say… he doesn’t love God completely, nuh true?”

Get behind me Satan, I rebuked in my head. 

“Job loved God more than money… because the love of money is the root of all evil!” said the preacher. “He knows God feeds the hungry, heals the sick, the blind, the crippled and the maimed”

"On which planet?" evil said.

I didn’t realize how sinful I was.

The entire church was going crazy praising the Lord shouting Hallelujah, Yes Jesus and thank you Lord… yet here I was counting the seconds til the fan came back around, thinking about money to pay Brother Bill and trying not to eye Sister Alecia with the devil in my head.

“Yuh betta pray yuh nuh get sick… because if you were to get sick without good money yuh betta give yuh soul to good God, curl up, kiss yuh good ass good bye and give thanks that you do have good God so you won't be thrown into everlasting fire with me on the day of revenge when the trumpet shall sound and the rocks begin to say, “You can’t hide in me ‘cause mi a look a place fi hide mi-self… and the graves say “Wake up wake up, let go your rotten c**ks and put on your rotten socks… wake up wake up and put on your rotten dress, try to look your rotten best… wake up wake up I say… Today is Earth’s Court day!

 “I’m not listening to you, you devil”, I said in my head while trying to concentrate on what the pastor was saying.

 “1 John 4:8 says, whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love... Amen”.

Sister Ida Hilda, stomping up the isle, yelled, “Tell us what love is, pastor”

“1 Corinthians 13:4 says… Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs... hallelujah... amen”

And the devil yelled in my head, “That’s a lie!... love does keep records of wrongs… He keeps it in the book of life”. I was very anger at Satan and my outrage caused me to unconsciously yell out aloud, “God cannot lie!”

 The pastor looked at me and said, “No he cannot young man because he is truth, love and righteousness… I know he is speaking to you right now… LISTEN TO HIM… I SAID LISTEN TO HIM!” and the church went wild but I wanted to scream out “NOOO! HELP ME PASTOR… IT IS THE DEVIL IN MY HEAD!

Satan knows the bible because he said, “Revelation 20:12 says, And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books”, but I was concentrating on the preacher man 

“Yuh better fear God… ‘cause He is a Jealous God… halleluiah!, shouted the pastor.

“Fear love?... and who is He jealous of?...

Man?

... It can’t be… why would he be jealous of his creation… He created both you and me… but since I’m the only one in his realm… it has to be mee… I can never understand why he’s jealous of me… I can’t blow breath into man, I can’t create heaven and earth… I do nothing but evil and wickedness… plus I live in a tormenting hole in the ground...what the hell is he jealous of?

Get behind me Satan, I demanded trying hard to get the devil out of my head, but he continued ranting, “Those who gave you God didn't have a damn thing to offer you but whips, chains and hard labor. Not even his language was freely given. He cherished his child, but sold yours for mo’ money. Yet you believe he loves you so much that he gave you the best he had…

he gave you his God… while he took all your money… What do you think… do you believe he loves you so much that he wanted to keep you safely away from money because you might fall in love with it and be filled with even more evil? ….........

and about Sister Alecia, you can never have a woman like that...

Because you have no money!

and Ayingi, she did leave you because you are an asshole... but she would have stayed with you if you had mo' money!”.

 

HEEEEEEEEELP! THE DEVIL IS IN MY HEAD!

Please pray for me…PLEEEASE!  

The Major