Not searching for impeccable character

How does one find impeccable character?

"I still don’t have no idea"

Ayingi recently left me (for good this time) and though she wasn’t much in the explaining mood, I think her reason for leaving was some’n 'bout my lack of impeccable character.

She said more… but it was more like parables… even though she kept saying, over and over, that I knew what she was talking about.

Did I?

Well… I can’t really say I did... at that moment...  but… I guess you can say… I've never shown her impeccable character.

Damn I was lost. I didn’t know what was going on. I wanted explanation and she was giving dial tones.

Thank God for the internet, I googled it.

“Impeccable character”

im·pec·cable(im pek′ə bəl)

adjective

1. not liable to sin, incapable of wrongdoing
2. without defect or error; faultless; flawless

I knew then, my baby was gone for good!

Respect to all who have been labeled "impeccable character" but that was a mountain I just couldn't climb.

However, I knew I did not want to ever lose another as special as Ayingi for not being impeccable, so I decided to do it like the ole’ fokes says.

“Fake it til you make it”

So I began.

The first thing I noticed about trying to be impeccable in character was… If your from the hood,  to those who know you, you went mad... and if they know about the break up... it's because your woman left.

Some females, skeptically, acted a little nicer because I was a lot nicer... but they kinda kept staring into my eyes as if they were trying to look inside to see if "a true seh di bwoy mek gal mad him".

I realized I needed money to fake impeccable character. but I was broke. However, nothing was going to stop my change.

So I decided I had to first fake rich. Who knows, maybe I could "fake it til I make it"

Rich impeccable character wears business suits… so I bought a cheap 3 piece and tie... but couldn’t find a damn place to wear it to--other than funeral and church.

One day I decided to wear my 3 peice and tie to an appointment in New Kingston, but the minute I stepped through the zinc fence people start ask mi a who dead.

To keep the character impeccable I couldn’t answer how I wanted, so I nodded my head and kept on stepping and sweating and sweating…

and sweating

Oh Thank God I caught an empty taxi right away. The breeze coming through the windows felt like heaven but within minutes there were 3 other people on the back seat, not including fatty sitting on top of me  

I realized then that, without a car with working A/C... you can’t fake rich, wearing a 3 peice, mid day, in Jamaica.

For a while I was tortured by the "single" on Ayingi's Facebook profile praying to God that would change... Now God has answered half my prayer, and changed it without me there

Not only was I tormented over my lost...

...impeccable character had imprisoned me!

My Higher power did not give me what I was looking for, but he gave me something I'll try to be.

I was led to no longer search for impeccable...

but to try to be a better me.   

i wish u di bes Ayingi